Worst Bathroom Behaviour
67It’s bad enough sharing a bathroom with other people (ugh), but when they leave their waste in various places for me to tidy up – it can be a bit annoying. Bits of soap all over the place, discarded litter, never put in the waste bin and the worst of all – blocked drains.
It’s like someone with very limited social intelligence comes along and thinks “I’ll put half my hair down their waste pipe”. Why would anyone do that?
Some of us higher level invertebrates use a variety of methods to prevent blocked drains.
- We comb our hair.
- We visit the hairdresser.
- We use a shower cap.
- We leave notes for the other sharers explaining why they are sub normal wastes of space.
Simple things that make living with me a pleasure, rather than a drain blocking moron hell bent on increasing the income of every plumber within a fifty mile radius.
Is there anything worse than a blocked drain you may be asking? Unfortunately, and the point of this page – oh yes there is.
Using a Works Restroom
I visit my work restroom on an infrequent basis depending on coffee intake or stress. On a good day I can last most of the morning without having to visit the soap and grunge infested hell hole that other workers seem to delight in.
Eventually though, I am forced to enter the cesspit of germs and disease that is an office shared toilet.
There are a number of ways to minimise risk to health in these spaces.
- Avoid anything that looks wet.
- Use your own soap.
- Don’t sit, but hover a good couple of inches above the toilet seat.
- Don’t use the first few sheets of paper – the toilet trashers probably touched it.
Tip: Always check the cubicles for the one that looks the least blocked. If you study the cleaning schedule you might be able to time it so you get a toilet that has at least been partly cleaned.
Recent Drain Blocking Event
Sometimes the level of grossness reaches new heights.
I was working away recently, pausing only to listen to other workers conversations and to check FaceBook, when I heard a commotion in another part of the office.
Shrieking and laughter were occurring – and this in a working environment!
I checked out where it was coming from, and it was our shared restroom. I waited beyond my usual bowel evacuation time while the fuss died down and entered the toilet with some trepidation.
What new evils would I find today?
It’s not often I am shocked, once or twice a day at most, but this was disgraceful. The laughing lunatics, and I believe there may have been several, had been very busy in our toilet.
There was
- A cardboard box with Drano Plumbing written on the side of it.
- A huge clump of hair on the side of the waste basin.
- Drips of soap, visible to the naked eye, everywhere.
Putting Two and Two Together
After my ablutions, which had little pleasure in them after what I had witnessed, I discussed this with security. When I say security, I mean the little old lady who looks after the stationary cupboard, but if she doesn’t know what’s going on – no one knows.
Apparently there had indeed been some very strange happenings. A man and two women, or a woman and two men – it’s hard to tell these days – had all entered the restroom at 9:37. The woman was carrying the Drano box and someone else, she couldn’t remember precisely, had a video camera.
They were in there for a suspiciously long amount of time. Most people need say five minutes for a number one, maybe ten if severely backed up – but these guys were there for half an hour! Thirty three minutes was the time on securities stopwatch when they did eventually leave.
They all looked rather excited, and one of them said “This will make a few bob on the internet when we put it up”.
What the hell had they been doing?
The Internet
I am aware of the internet. I use it often for recipes, purchasing gifts, booking holidays and gay sex sites. Only joking! I would never book a holiday through the internet. No, I’m joking about the sex thing of course.
I mean, I do know what’s on there, absolute filth and perversion, and have occasionally landed on a large undressed man by accident but it’s not how I choose to spend my time.
Anyway, it seems obvious to me what these people had been up to. Women and men in the same restroom, with ‘plumbing’ equipment, soap and a video camera. I did ask security if she would take an official complaint but she mainly deals with pens.
Ever since this incident I have found it hard to concentrate at work, and harder to relax properly when using the restroom.
Stay Alert
If you ever see a group of people like this my advice is to lock the toilet door and call the police. With a bit of public effort and responsibility we can stamp this thing out before it becomes a new internet craze.
It’s bad enough tripping over plankers everywhere you go – but I’m drawing a line in the sand with regards to fornicating amateur plumbers.
Thanks for reading. You may find it useful to print this and stick it to the back of your toilet doors.
This is what those people were doing in the toilet...
- How to Fix a Clogged Drain with the Drano Snake Plus
Have you gone and clogged a drain? Smooth move, Fergusen. Is the drain clogged with hair? Then you might just want to read this. You might also want to read this to watch me try to eat a drain turd.
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Nice poet stuff WO. It all adds to my toilet door theme for today. Thanks. What with this behaviour, and your excellent Royalty hub the other day, I feel society is on the edge of.. what's the word... robust sentencing.
I hate public restrooms. For a whole year I lived and worked on a premises that I had to share bathroom with others, it was the most excruciating experience I have ever had! Glad that's over.
Me too Cardisa, shudder.
I will never look at a drain turd the same way after reading this hub. Thanks for the side splitting chuckle this hub rocks the porcelain.
I was going to encourage my husband to read this because I found it hysterically funny, Mark. But, then I realized that if he reads this he will never again set foot in an establishment that even HAS a public restroom. He already doesn't use them, preferring to suffer until we're home. This might push him over the edge.
:D
Love it, love it.
I hate public restrooms and really try to wait until I get home but after reading this funny hub I really don't want to go into a public facility! Thanks!
Teddletonmr - rocks the porcelain - like it.
Motown - tell him not a word of it is based in fact and all public toilets are cleaned on an hourly basis. He might swallow it.
Pamela - I don't want to either. In fact I'm not leaving the house from now on, except for very short trips.
He'd never believe it. He's convinced that people do all means of nasty things in public restrooms and refuses to be a party to any of it...lol This hub will only confirm his suspicions.
Funny hub. And i loved all the comments. Good laugh for the day. But, i do know what you mean about sharing bathrooms with people that you work with. If i had not witnessed some of the filth these seemingly 'clean' co-workers left behind, i would never have believed it.
They were so bad, that one day at a staff meeting, i did an in-service on 'how to wipe yourself without leaving traces on the toilet seat'. I thought it was amusing, but they did not. I still chuckle when i think about it - just how mortified they were that i had the audacity to do that. And, NO, it did no good at all.
D Williams - that's a helluva subject to bring up at a staff meeting!
There is usually at least one person, presumably the same person, who either needs to use a whole roll of paper, thereby blocking the toilet or apparently uses no paper at all and doesn't flush either.
Probably want to go easy on shaking hands at staff events. tbh - I don't want to go in tomorrow. Maybe I can sneak in the Ladies.
Mark, I assure you that it is utter myth that the Ladies' room is any cleaner than the Men's room. Fact is, unless it's at home, most people don't give a sh!+ (pardon the pun) about cleanliness in the bathroom.
I can't stand public bathrooms either. The refernce to Draino-I'm not sure the company would appreciate it-likely why you didn't wait until the official opening on the Draino hub contest
All publicity is good publicity. The people chose Drano (not sure about the spelling) rather than any other product. That says something.
I didn't wait for the contest because I haven't a hope in hell of getting anywhere near the prize money with this sort of output.
But my writing isn't about prizes, money, traffic, fame, success or any of those fleeting things. I'd like it to be... but it isn't.
I won't be writing for the contest either. Since plumbing isn't isn't a topic that interests me to write, it will show in my writing. You have to write about what interests you if writing is going to be strong. The only aspect of plumbing that I could discuss and feel strongly about it is how the sound of a dripping faucet that won't turn off drives me crazy and I cannot focus on anything else.
Why, Oh Why do our TransAtlantic cousins refer to them as "Restrooms" or "Bathrooms"? they are the most unrestful places on the planet, apart from the odd little village in Afghanistan or Syria.
I would not like the idea of taking a bath in one of those places, the size of the bowls precludes having a long hot soak. And there is a danger of making a "new friend". I've seen that smile across the urinal which tells me I am wandering into dangerous territory.
You know, Mark, that in the UK they are referred to as "toilets" (Aargh!) or "lavatories" (Ah! That's better).
But as far as a competition with monetary gain being involved, I am sure that my three part story concerning Pollone and the "gabinetto" there could have been tailored to fit somehow.
FBR - there you go. Dripping tap and fixing it with a washer. There's an award winning hub right there.
Twilight. It's one of those areas where there is room for confusion across the Pond. Not great if you are caught short somewhere and end up taking a bath at Mrs. Miggins spa and sun bed emporium.
Attaboy! You always make me larf!
And people wonder why I take Clorox clean-up wipes with me everywhere. I also carry a small packet of Kleenex because I don't like the slippery toilet paper they think is so great. Public commodes are just flat nasty. I would rather use an outhouse. At least they smell enough that people are not going to be fornicating in them.
This is priceless, because I'm sure so many of us can relate. I used to work for a company that had similarly revolting facilities. Sadly I am now plagued with recurring nightmares about fouled facilities or more simply, no civilized place to " go " . I'm considering therapy.
This was brilliant Mark, (as usual). I never could relax in public restrooms/toilets, probably stemming back to school days when kids thought it was funny to climb up the toilet doors and freak you out when you were on the loo, (these toilets had cubicle doors that did not come close to touching either the floor or the ceiling).
Reading your comment on the 'hair' you would not doubt love my Hub on 'Why does pubic hair get everywhere', although I warn you, the pictures are rather graphic!! ;)
Becky - good points about Kleenex and outhouses.
GL - "no civilized place to go" - Chuck Berry - one of my favourites.
Misty - Ah yes, kids and school toilets. Not so many adults climb over, but that thought remains.
I always remember going to Nairobi one year to a bar behind one of the hospitals - The toilet block for the hospital had been fenced off for use by the bars rather than the hospital - however observing the locals as they used the facilities raised a few questions -
Why did they pee on the outside of the building and not enter it - even the women! After several Tuskers I was unable to contain my curiosity or the waste beer and decided to investigate. On approaching the building I was hit by a stench that was far worse than anything I have ever smelt in my entire life, i could not even approach the building without retching let alone enter it!
I was informed by the owners of the bar that the toilets were like this when used by the hospital too!
That's a great story LeanMan - foreign toilets - now there's a hub waiting to be written.
Thanks for the heads up on what passes for loos in your work place ... Thank God I'm retired and can wipe our porcelain princess down several times a day for reassurance. May just up the number of times I do that now ... just to avert the nightmares.
WOL/Twilight ... funny comments, gentlemen ... or are you a lady, WOL? (My God, what a faux pas).
The worst foreign toilet I ever encountered was a blocked and over-flowing loo of the squat variety in a French Youth Hostel at Valence. The stench lives in my memory to this day! I'd say by the responses that your hub has touched a raw nerve Mark. Who'd have guessed people were so phobic about public loos?
Angie - I'd love to come round and use your loo, it sounds perfect. Re: Twilight and WOL - yes great comments, but if they could just stop being wittier than my hubs I'd appreciate it.
Amanda - I wish I could say I spotted a gap in the market and was doing a public service, but it was of course just me doing some toilet humor in the absence of any grand ideas.
At least you kept your sense of humour after the harrowing events of the day.
Lol Paradise - what else can I do? I just report the facts as I make them up...
That is one of the funniest things I have ever heard: "I just report the facts as I make them up..."
Is that yours? I hope not. You're too frigging clever and well liked already without coming out with something as clever as that.
I hate you Ewbie!!!
No hate speech allowed in the comments section, Twilight. Make up and play nice. :D
Hi Twilight. I don't know if its mine, but I googled it and there are two other results on the internet. I probably read it somewhere.
I'm putting it down to you. That is so Ewbie, it may as well be.
Chears!
Thanks .. nice hub.. well i like to sing in bathroom.
Singing is fine as long as it's your own singing. Other people, well... anyway, thanks for commenting Maxravi.
Hi Max Ravi. I was brought up near Pune. I believe it is still as wonderful.
writeronline Level 7 Commenter 9 months ago
I laugh, I laugh, I pee iself! More good shit from the master (did that come out right?).
Methinks Mr Ewbie, that you should console yourself with the thought that, foul as the dunnies of today may be, they're porcelain palaces compared to what preceded them. To wit:
"In days of old,
When knights were bold
And toilets weren't invented.
They'd drop their load
By side of road
And walk away contented".
Or, updated to reflect your concerns;
"In days of old,
When knights were bold
And toilets weren't invented.
The good news was that dipshits
couldn’t go into them and behave badly,
hoping for a shot at fame via
the internet"
Doesn't rhyme? Tough shit. :)