Funny Cat Worming How To Spoof

This is about deworming cats – a vital subject very dear to my heart.

With a bit of luck it’ll fall into the all important quality informative content slot and be rocketed up the search listings for cat lovers everywhere.

But first, some preamble about me, and this article and why I am writing it.

I’m a Professor of Catology and also an internet writer. There’s a competition on about writing and it involves money.

This is going to be one hell of a thing. 30 articles in only 30 days – I would say it’s almost biblical but that’s a bit of hornet’s nest, belief wise, so I won’t. In no way can it be compared to parting seas and stuff – but it’s still a lot for a mere mortal.

Anyway, I’m up for the challenge and the fifty dollars or whatever it is – plus of course I’m eager to expand the horizons and consciousness of anyone who happens to read it. And the fifty dollars of course. Did I mention that?

Before you think “oh well this’ll be rubbish” consider this. Did not the great late Bard himself undertake a similar task when he wrote 7 plays in 7 days?

Well no, I don’t believe he did, but had he been alive today he would have jumped at the opportunity.

Man, I’d love to see that. The results come in. William ‘Bardy’ Bard comes fifteenth – after the piece about toasters and how they can be used for making bread hotter.

Still. No good just chatting. That probably comes under some rule about quality whatever and infringes sub section 2.4a of the International Content Farmer’s Guild. You are allowed a certain amount of setting the scene but then you have to get on with the real stuff, the meat and two veg of the piece.

If you are a vegetarian I suppose it’s veg and two veg – doesn’t work so well. If you are a vegan then I don’t suppose you even keep a cat. Too tempting.

Y’see – everyone wants information these days. They want lists of things – five ways to something – three best ways to something else.

Sometimes they want secrets and always they want the Best. Or Easiest. My speciality is the Laziest but don’t tell anyone. They’ll all be on to my Best Easiest Secret.

Anyway - here’s the cat stuff.

• Buy de worming tablet
• Take de cat
• Feed it de tablet

Probably needs fleshing out a bit but it’s a good start. Get the basics down and then do some research.

How much research do you need about worming cats? In my opinion, not very much.

But for those who need it spelling out, despite the fact that worming tablets come with instructions...

I noticed part way through this article that it’s not de worming – it’s actually called worming. 

Makes no sense. 

Why would you worm something when you want to get the worms out? 

But anyway -  succumbing to veterinary fascism I will continue with the worming usage - rather than the more accurate (in my opinion) de worming terminology.

• Get some money
• Go to the vet
• Buy the tablet

What? You got a problem with that? It’s in..for.. ma..tion. Bite sized chunks for people in a hurry.

You got a cat that needs deworming? Then you need the right information fast and simple. That is what I’m providing here.

Do you actually own a cat?

I have called it Grand because it needs a bit of a lift. Worming is not the most exciting of subjects so it helps to just add a touch of class to it.

• Unwrap the tablet
• Grab the cat
• Stuff the tablet in its mouth

Now, some people have written in and said there’s no way you can stuff a tablet in a cats mouth. You’ll get bitten or scratched.

You heard of gloves? Ok, I didn’t put gloves in the list, but surely it’s obvious. Nasty things cats. I wouldn't touch one without some protection.

If you want to be a pedantic argumentative troll, whose only pleasure is wandering round other people’s stuff and saying “It won’t work” then OK. You could dress up the tablet with some ham wrapped round it, or whatever cats like to eat.

They might eat the ham and the tablet – but most likely they’ll eat the ham off the tablet. So you have a soggy tablet.

Which is why I said... stuff the tablet in its mouth. Hold the mouth shut. If the thing can’t breathe it might swallow the tablet.

Alternatively you could use a pestle and mortar to crush the tablet and then sprinkle it on the cats food.

Might work. I don’t actually have a cat myself.

For those whose quest for knowledge is never fully satisfied.

• Is it important? Probably.
• How often should you do it? Don’t know – read the instructions.
• Can you give a dog worming tablet to a cat? Probably. Might kill them though.

That concludes my article on cat deworming.  I hope you found it useful and that your cat is grateful.

If anything should happen to your cat as a result of instructions from this page then please be aware I am currently sectioned under the Mental Health act and I think that probably gets me off the hook.

ps. They do say cats have nine lives.  So if you only give them eight tablets - it should be alright.