Rude Humor Sex Guide for Men, Women, Lovers and Couples

This frank discussion of sex is not for the faint hearted!

In here, the various terms are used openly and without awkwardness - we are all adults, and if you are not then you shouldn’t be reading it.

Plus, if you are a weirdo or perve, then move elsewhere as we do not want your sort reading this.

It’s not written for titillation but to bring the subject out into the open, instead of being talked about in hushed tones.

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We will be discussing men and women’s bobbly bits, both upstairs and downstairs. This explicit sex talk will be illustrated by some of the finest dirty pictures available on the internet. These are not added for personal titillation of the naughty bits but in order to drive more search traffic to this page (ed: explain more fully the act of love making?)

These words and graphic pictures should be sufficient to draw a picture of the nasty behaviour that some people (mostly men) enjoy.

The reason “loving relationship” is mentioned is to get past the right on censors, who insist that we should all be married before indulging. Well, here at the Frikker research centre we believe that is a rather outdated view. It happens – deal with it.

Obviously if it does happen then you should immediately get married, but let’s not pretend that it simply doesn’t occur outside of the Church.

In fact, the one place it should never occur is inside the Church – that is just sick.

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The act of human intercoursulation is, according to some, perfectly normal behaviour.

It is how we all got here, although that’s not a nice thing to have to think about.

But it is supposedly how we breed and ensure that there is a new generation for the fantastic human cycle of life.

Some might say it is God’s gift to humans although it’s a bit of a weird gift to be giving. I thought fishes and bread were more the thing, rather than genitalia.

Anyway it happens, and we need to know what’s what and what goes where in order to get it over with as soon as possible.

Males of the human species, or men as we call them, have some appendages down below in their trousers.

There are two main bits to the danglies - a sausage like piece and a scrunched up bit of skin containing a couple of plums.

The plums manufacture wriggly worms which when Daddy loves Mommy very much will crawl out of the sausage and be planted in Mommy’s lady garden.

The sausage is also used for making wees.

Here's a picture of some different types of wee...

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Women are more complicated although you might have guessed that.

They have a number of main bits which we will look at in detail.

Top bobblers.

These are the bosomal area usually visible as two lumps under a jumper or t-shirt.

They can vary in size and their main purpose is to attract looks from men. Women will use a variety of lifting gear to keep these hilly bits in plain view for this purpose.

When a woman has a baby then the baby might want to try to get milk out of these areas. It will do this by screaming. The baby can be given artificial milk instead or a dummy and some sugar.

The down below area of a woman is called a lady garden. It is where the sausage will go when the time is right. This time occurs occasionally before marriage, and seldom afterwards.

Somewhere inside the woman, no one knows exactly, is where the baby is kept until it is ejected from the body at the hospital.

When a man loves a woman very much, and the woman is sufficiently drunk, then courtship may begin.

The man may touch the woman once or twice to see if she is awake, and depending on the response may do something with his hows your father.

This will take a short time and the man will fall into a deep sleep, while the woman lays there with a look of contentment upon her face.

Nine months later a baby may be born. This depends on contraception and times of the moonly cycle.

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This is a dirty word and should not be mentioned in polite company.

It involves stopping the worms from finding the woman’s egg.

There are a number of ways to achieve this but rather than discuss it here it would be better to make an appointment with your doctor.

If you are married and hoping to go ahead with some sex business then he may either be able to put you off the idea or prescribe some kind of sleeping draught.

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In the old days when goods were delivered to posh houses by courier then they might use the rear entrance to the house to deliver their package.

That’s all I’m saying on this subject.

As this is a frank and open page, and we are living in the 21st century when apparently it's legal - let’s deal with this one.

It’s basically the same as normal but with two sausages and no baby.

Or two lady gardens, which is a much nicer idea and fairly hygienic.

There are some special ladies that a manly person should not approach under normal circumstances.

These are ladies that "lunch" as they call it in the secret Sapphic Circle of lady love. I have put a picture of one to the right in case of confusion.

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That’s quite enough of all that business I think, and I apologise if you were as offended by reading it as I was by writing it.

However, it may be of use to someone who is looking for information about sex on the internet and unable to find anything.

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