HubPages is Rubbish and Ripping Me Off
68I have been writing here for ages now.
HubPages are ripping me off and complaining about my content.
They have sent me a long letter claiming I do this and that, and how their rules have been broken.
First of all, let me point out I have never read their stupid rules, let alone broken any of them.
There are literally millions of other sites I could write at, and make millions of dollars more with my brilliant writing.
The only reason I am still here, is to write this, possibly my last ever page, to explain why they have got me all wrong.
I mean, it won’t really be my last article because I have so much more to offer a gullible or discerning viewing public. I will continue to peddle my superb pages despite any obstacles these self appointed fascists of quality control try to put in my path.
Anyone would think they own the place.
Copied Content
They accuse me of copying content!
Let me tell you right now I have never copied content.
Never.
Hardly at all.
I may have replicated some words from other places by accident, or slightly deliberately when I have written in a similar style and words to other people.
But those words are all mine because I typed them in, or copied and pasted them onto my own page.
So to say I am a copier is almost completely wrong.
Ripping Me Off
They are stealing my money.
I know this because for one thing I should be making millions of dollars with all my great writing.
And I have worked out, or guessed, that they are fiddling my statistics to make it look as if I don’t earn anything.
Obviously I should be getting loads of money now, being great and all that.
So they must be taking all my money and telling me I don’t get any.
I know that some so called statistical geniuses have calculated to the last cent that the HubPages payment methods are correct and accurate – but they are probably being paid to say that, or married to one of them.
Spinning
Next, they have accused me of spinning some of the content I steal.
As if I would bother spinning it when I have so many great writings of my own and other people’s to share.
And… if I didn’t spin it then they would be saying I copied it.
Great. Well thanks. That means I can’t copy AND I can’t spin according to your so called rules.
Not that I do spin, hardly at all. I mean, I own some spinning software, and sometimes I have a little play with it, and occasionally I might publish that as an experiment.
But to call that spinning? Huh! It’s typical of the mentality that seems to want to stop me publishing honest, and some slightly less honest, content.
Too Many Links
This is hilarious. They say that I link too much to my own dodgy web sites.
How can anyone say that my web sites are dodgy when some of them haven’t even been closed down yet? It is beyond me. Any offers on them have been passed, or strictly speaking, not yet noticed, by the Federal Agencies.
Oh, and you can lose weight by not breathing – it’s been proven.
I permit a maximum of seventeen links per page on my own websites, and for HubPages to say that’s too many is just ludicrous.
Thin Content
This is the most amusing complaint yet that they have made, and a great deal of other people have also made.
Well, they’re all wrong.
My content is full of great facts related to the title and the keywords and the SEO. I always put at least one fact per page (sometimes less), and on some of my copied and spun pages I reckon there are probably a lot more.
So once again HubPages have made the wrong call.
My stuff is useful, well researched, and gets the traffic in.
If fifty words is thin content then I guess I must be in the wrong business.
Adult Content
I write about children and toys.
How on earth can they call that adult content?
Has someone in the moderation team got no sense at all?
I am fuming about this and will call my lawyers probably quite soon.
I have one page, or certainly less than fifty, that contain an element of nudity. That is not excessive and is in many ways educational. For example my “Where’s That Cucumber?” page gets a great deal of traffic and they can’t all be perverts looking for porn surely?
Some of them will probably be cooks.
Once again, they have called it wrong, because they are out to get me and jealous of my success.
Misleading Content
Oh give me a break will you?
Since when did the content need to match the titles?
Most searchers will be delighted to find out that the page isn’t really about shoes, but has half a dozen links to an excellent site offering a chance to borrow money at relatively cheap rates. Face it, most of them can’t read or afford a pair of shoes anyway.
But oh no. That’s not good enough for la-di-da internet police HubPages. Apparently, the content on my pages wasn’t exactly a Wiki definition of the titles so there we go again with a load of emails about blah blah.
People don’t like shoes.
People need to borrow money.
I’m doing them a service.
Watermarked and Pixellated
I know!
What does it mean?
I guess some people, mentioning no names HubPages, don't like art.
So they come up with yet another boring rule designed to make all pages look exactly the same.
The internet was designed for sharing. That's why Amazon created it. All those people who put their pictures up want people to see them. So I put them on my pages so more people get to enjoy them.
It's not exactly rocket science. But oh no, another rule has been broken and someone in the HubPages office gets over excited.
Perhaps if they're so on the ball they could explain to me what 'pixellated' means or maybe the truth is they just made up the word to look clever.
Has Anyone Else Complained?
Let’s ignore HubPages for the moment and talk about the real judges of material.
The readers.
Have any of my readers ever complained that I misled them, or have any writers ever said “you copied my page?”
Yes, of course they have.
A professional writer like me gets that stuff all the time.
It’s jealousy, pure and simple. I spend a lot of time deleting comments and emails, and ignoring DMCA’s because it’s all part and parcel of literature.
If I gave up just because 90% of my readers threaten me then I’d literally be running away from my responsibilities.
Writer’s Explanation
I love that heading. The writer thing. It says “look HubPages, this is a proper writer so yah boo sucks”. Thought of it myself. Sort of.
I mean, I’ve seen it before obviously, but it seemed to fit.
Anyway.
I wrote this (yes, really) because I was a teensy weensy bit bored of seeing the flood of people who complain about HubPages in the above examples.
Within the space of about five minutes it has usually been proved that they did commit the ‘crimes’ which they were accused of and if anything HubPages have been more polite than perhaps they needed to be.
So, if there is any doubt, and there usually is where my pages are concerned – no I haven’t been warned or been up to dirty tricks.
Up until this page I have pretty much managed to get away with it.
Let’s keep it that way.
Leave the report button alone.
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As always, a very entertaining hub:) My favorite line: "And you can lose weight by not breathing – it’s been proven."
If you should be making millions, I should be making billions.
Although it's not just Hubpages fault. The entire WORLD is out to stop us getting our just desserts ... mmmm cheesecake.
Hi Freetron - yep, let's blame Sesame Street.
Kris - I like that kind of proof as well.
Billions Wry? That's a lot of cheesecake.
Love it, great way to start off my morning with a laugh.
You forgot to mention that Hubpages censors all right-wing comments and hubs...
Thanks UW, good tip about politics, some mileage there. I probably need to read the rules - there's all sorts of things like guns and so on that might add to the 'usefulness' of this page.
Definately the best hub I read in a while.
Thanks! It's the best one I wrote in a while too.
Well Mark I will say you are brillant to get the message across in a fun, educational way. My father had your sense of humor when telling us to shape up...it worked! lol We would walk away scratching our heads...unable to speak as we knew he was right..haha
Anyway thanks for a great hub!
Sunnie
Thanks Sunnie. It's funny how half an idea on a Friday morning can be something to run with. I enjoyed this one. Whether HP will enjoy it remains to be seen.
I think HP will get it! Its in their favor and most can take some advice when coated with humor! If not you may have to pull out the big guns what ever that may be..maybe some intense stick figures for instruction..haha Have a great day!
Sunnie
Hey Mark your creative genius is copied, that can not be true, well maybe. After all there are just so many words to go around.
Thin content, well your stick man is a bit thin. Maybe drawing with a broader stroke will help with that. LOL.
Watermark, is that what happens after spewing coffee all over the screen wile reading a Mark Ewbie spoof.
Thanks for the informitive, entertaining read.
Be well. Mike
Mark I thought you were on my side and then you turned on me! Definitely misleading content, but funny and entertaining, and since you asked me nicely to leave the report button alone, I'll let you get away with it this time.
Cheers Mike, I'll fatten up those stickmen next time around.
MT - I am the writers friend. And I'm your friend as well. ONLY JOKING! Thanks for leaving the button alone.
When I saw Hubpages-Rubbish in the email link, I quite naturally assumed that you had read my latest hub and that this was your response. With relief, I realized that no, the email came literally seconds after I hit "Publish", so you must be referring to some other rubbish. Still, it could have been my rubbish from another day, so I clicked through with some dread still lurking in my heart.
I am so happy to find that I am not the subject of this hub! Thank you!
Ah no, I wouldn't dream of it. Well, I'd dream about it, in fact I think of nothing else, but I wouldn't dare do it. Not under this ID anyway.
Peace and love.
Oh, so your other ID has something to do with a poet who doesn't live in the city?
Hmmm..
brilliant! :) entertaining and informative.
I've been at this for several months now and it's great to finally see someone venting what I've been feeling lately. Everyone at HP seems so satisfied with the heaps of money they bring in here. Then how come, after months of toiling (I say toiling in all seriousness), my articles still haven't outranked Atari's? I smell another HP scam.
This looks spun. I can tell from some of the letters and from having seen quite a few spins in my day.
Seriously, funny stuff. A link to this hub should be stickies in the "Need Help?" forum.
No question Ewbie. You are a wry guy.
'Droll' springs to mind too.(There's a word the search engines would probably pay well to see; uncommon but highly sought after.) Though HP/Google would probably mistake it for 'troll', and smack you around some more.
I just read a Hub earlier I thought would make a superb HOTD.I think this one would too. Fat chance. The content's too er, thin. 'Thin' *is* a synonym for close to the bone, innit?
Thanks dapple, if it happens it happens by accident.
DungeonRaider - I'm with you on toiling. Although, in my case the definition of toiling is fairly wide. Sat in front of a PC thinking of something to write is more accurate in my case.
Eric, you are mistaken my friend. Or IF it is spun it's only third, or fourth generation. Quite good quality I thought.
WO - you and your synonyms. Here's me, a pretty straight kind of guy, and now I get to look up synonym.
All. If the comments seem a little below the level of the text obviously they come from different sources. ie. This really is me. Sort of.
Gullible me thought at first you were totally serious and were leaving HP to establish your own content site somewhere out there in the ether, and I'd have to hunt for you to get my fix of adorable cartoon drawings. Thank GOD the worst of it is that I'm just gullible.
Mark, I was laughing so hard that I began to choke! LOL LOL LOL. You didn't need to explain the last section but I figured people reading you for the first time might be a bit confused. You are also very correct about most of the people who complain are usually very guilty.
Just recently, someone made a bid ado about HP unpublishing their content for being duplicate. When I did a little investigation of my own the hub was duplicated because the other site's content was published prior to the one here. They break the rules then blame HP. I know that if you are new and you don't understand about the duplicate thing, you will have a fit, but there are people here months and years that keep breaking the rules.
Capricorn, thanks very much and I'm afraid you're stuck with me.
Cardisa, thanks of course. I put the explanation in because I just know that there are some who will take it seriously, scan through and then leave comments agreeing about HP being awful. I was hoping to head them off rather than spend too much time explaining.
And yes, the idea for this came from those endless forum threads - why was I banned or whatever - er, because you broke the rules. I love the "didn't do anything" and then people point out that "oh yes, you did".
I wasn't sure what I was about to read when I clicked on your title. One of the best hubs I've read in a while. Very funny.
Thanks Joshua - yes, that title could have gone in a couple of ways. Might have been more fun if I was totally fed up with HubPages and all my work had been binned.
You have some good stuff going on too. Worth a read.
Oh Mark, you are absolutely without a shadow of doubt being ripped off of millions of dollars! You are a saint for putting up with all those allegations. Seventeen links to your own website is definitely reasonable.. although for me, sixteen might be tops.
Thanks for making me laugh this morning, Mark. You rock! Cheers!
Rosie
Enjoyed a lot. Thanks.
So funny love your style. More power to your bony elbows!
I am a saint Rosie, and thank goodness someone finally pointed it out before I was forced to.
Sun Pen - glad you enjoyed it. It may partly be a sense of relief that it wasn't someone having a go at HP.
Thanks Gypsy - more power indeed!
Hilarious, and eerily accurate Mark. Brilliant read for all the whingers :)
Thanks Misty. Yesterday I was thinking "I don't have anything to write about" and then the forums came to my rescue. This one pretty much wrote itself. With a little help from my spinner of course...
Writers Block cured by the forums, wonderful :D
The people who need to read it and rethink will probably never get the joke and just go ahead as they were. But, I enjoyed reading it. I'll be posting it on my own Hub tomorrow. I'll just change a few words...
This was great fun to read. Maybe I should tack it to my bulletin board so that I don't fall into the Hubpages "abuse abyss." All those tricky rules, surely I'm going to trip up somewhere!
Yes, you are a witty man, Mark. I think you covered every possible issue............ Voted up and funny!
Hey! You copied my article!
That's okay if you'll split the 28cents with me.
This hub deserves an Oscar, LOL, nice way of displaying the anger of the fallen hubber, to crappy hubmanship. :)
Cleverly written, I like your style. It's a gripe with a twist.
Dear Mr. Ewbie:
Please be advised all of your hubs have been closed to additional comments because they contain duplicated content. All of the words you used appear elsewhere on the Internet. Your BS [read: brilliant style] exceeds the joviality standards contained with the TOS [a.k.a.: Terms of Servitude]. You are required to proceed a corner in any nearby room and remain there until summoned.
Signed: Hoi Polloi, HP Elite
Thanks so much for this witty hub! You have a great sense of humor and gave me just the laugh I needed today:)
Ah, I have not been on in some time Mark, and your hub was the first for me to read after returning. You made me so glad I did, I have missed your articles.x
Eeek! Thanks guys! I can't answer all these! Not on these rates.
I read them though... neat comments all.
Ok i'm an idiot for thinking (just for a nanosecond) that you were serious. Really, I should know better by now. I hope HP makes this one "hub of the week"(or whatever they call it).
OMG! You had me fooled to the last three lines- I was planning a defence campaign- you know like " we want that bloke back" or even writing to the Queen, or even David Cameron- someone had to do something!
I like you, enjoy the forums and have on occasion been drawn in but usually the spinners and spammers are found out pdq.
I Loved this Hub , I also loved it that HUb Pages made 8 mil. last year .oh well . i voted up and all the way across the board , great Hub ! :)
Great hub. You fooled me as well. Very nicely written to get the message out. Thanks for writing this hub. Voted up and sharing.
LOL. Among all the thoroughly dishonest "LOL"s I've thrown around, this one is the least thoroughly dishonest.
Hey you ripped me off! You didn't personally acknowledge my heart felt comment!! I am going to teach you a lesson you will never forget. . . UNFOLLOW!!!!
Best. Hub. Ever. What a riot! I read the forums sometimes for a laugh but this is way better!
You are witty and wry--let us know how the powers that be react--
Wow, I totally thought this hub was for real until I got to that last capsule and read the comments, lol.
A special and deeply personal thanks from me to WD Curry - who I somehow missed the first time around.
BizGenGirl - I'm not entirely sure I follow your no doubt excellent advice, or deserve it. The entire article is a joke. I have not yet received any emails apart from a minor one regarding certain personal habits which I'd rather not discuss publicly.
edit: BizGen - I see we're back on track :)
ALL you other guys. It's late in the UK, and while I'd love to give everyone a personal, witty and clever remark.. I'm beat. THANKS!!!!
Oh my goodness! I had no idea this was a spoof as I was reading and kept thinking to myself, "This guy is a friggin' moron!" I don't know what's funnier; how accurately you portray the complainers who don't know what they're complaining about or that you fooled me. XD Hope you get bored again and bring us some more laughs! Thanks!
Wow. This was so well illustrated and funny that I could not stand it to hear about the ripoff. Why, yes, you should be reaping millions of dollars. Voted.
I think I must have set my browser (Chrome) to U.K. English.
In fact, I think that it's pathetic that Americans could think that they've earned their own setting on a browser for English.
It's why I always say, "colour" and "neighbour" instead of that rubbish that people living nearby say.
This is why I'm calling you out, good Sir, the word "reckon"...oh damn, I thought I'd get a red squiggly underneath that.
nevermind. ...damn, I got the red squiggly there.
Whatever. Carry on.
I seem to recognize a thread in the forums started by a person no longer on the site as the possible partial inspiration for this wonderfully funny piece. hmmm. Yes, how dare HP do this to us when all we are trying to do is make money overnight and in a dishonest manner.
Since I clicked on this and did not see that it was in the Humor section, you really began to scare me with the opening rant. When I read: "First of all, let me point out I have never read their stupid rules, let alone broken any of them", I still thought you were serious. (I've known a lot of people that speak like this, my current neighbor being one of them.)
After a little bit, I was begging the cosmos that you were only joking. Then I got a good laugh when it became apparent. A big LOL from me. Great Hub!
oh and I knew all along you were joking by the fact that this is under the category "humour," er, "humor."
What can I say that hasn't already been said???? You are just TOO witty for words! Thanks for the giggle.
RGNestle - please follow Mark Ewbie -the best we've got to offer!!!!
This was funny! Loved it!
Thank you so much for the best laugh ever, I loved this so much - I may probably loose weight now, having laughed that much I could not breath lol :)
This was hilarious! I laughed until I could no longer see the report button through the tears! I found this informative, brilliant and pig snort funny!
hahahahahahahahahahhahaa.
Hold on...
hahahahahahahahaha
That's me literally LAUGHING OUT LOUD. lololol
Thanks for sharing this Wesman (you find the greatest Hubs).
That was hilarious, I hope you're not really like this!
HAHAHAHAH. I think this is the first time in my tenure here at HP that I read a hub and burst out laughing. Voted up, and gonna share. This is freaking hilarious! You are perfect with this satire genre and frankly I'm a little envious (in a good way) because I'm *afraid* to write humor - I don't think I could hit the nail on the head as well as you have. :D Bravo!
Way big thumbs up. Loved this. Laughter is the best medicine. Thank you for the share!! Loved the pixieland comment too funny. Hugs to you Mark.
It obviously took me longer to read the comments than your hub, which was, by the way extremely entertaining. I know you didn't want any buttons pushed but I had to voted up and funny, I mean really! Your profile pic is probably one of the best on HP. Loved the hub and your eternal sense of humor.
Don,t worry..if you got such letter, then you are performing well here and everyone eyes on you..
Yikes it seems like every hubber is concerned with such a person who hates hubpages, hahaha you got had, its just another copycat. LOL
Nah actually this was quite an amazing turn out here, & this is my second time back.
Your techniques are beyond reproach, and I'm telling my mommy now, because you attracted everyone today, and I cant seem to get not a single comment any more :)
Simply Amazing, what it takes to draw the crowd on hubpages!!!!!! oh my & I second the motion Voted up up & away.
Congratulations!! You just hit the Hubpages Jackpot or created the first ever.
This is a great article. You sound like a very good writer. Hubpages is doing the same thing to me too. Have you considered making your own blog/website with your own domain and hosting?
@iamageniuster: You only read the title, didn't you?
OK, I'll try to do the proper answering thing. When I wrote this I thought it would amuse my normal readers... not go a bit virally bonkers. My fault for the misleading title thing. I got lucky.
Evylyn - "this guy is a moron" - excellent. That's about where I'm aiming.
Wesman - thanks for sharing!
Flora - it's no one person... more like about a hundred of them.
RGNestle - I just couldn't put 'joke' at the top. But I'm grateful to you for perservering.
Calpol - that weight thing. Could use that on one of my dodgy websites.
Calico - pig snort funny, I like that. We need a new button.
Arusho - of course I'm not really like this. Hardly at all.
cclitgirl - I gather you are doing pretty well anyway. Humor takes a bit of nerve to start with, then it becomes easier. Losing all self respect early on helps.
CloudExplore - re. jackpot. I hope so. It would be nice. It's funny that if I try then I fail, but if I just do it, and put HubPages is Rubbish in the title of course, then I get a bit lucky.
Iamagenuister - it's all lies.
Eric - to be fair, it's a lot to wade through.
Good hub Mark,lot of comments on this one, I'm a little envious,I wish I would have thought of it, but then I haven't been around that long. I voted up.
I think that pixielated has something to do with pixies. Those damm fairies get in everywhere. Thanks for a really funny hub. It really woke me up this morning. Great stuff.
Great hub.....Now could you possibly send me a pirated copy of that spinning software please?
Hi Kevin - I got lucky. It will be a brief flash in the pan and then back to the usual.
Christopher - we all wonder about pixellated.
Kikalina - I'm sure I have a copy somewhere, let me just add a few viruses to it and then we're good to go.
LOL. Don't you have a pirated version of a virus scanner? I can send you one of those ;)
How long do I need to hold my breath to lose weight and can I hold my breath with a Mars Bar in my mouth? Or a cucumber if I'm genuinely trying to lose weight? You have already cheered me up this morning with your (some of your own?) words and phrases. Brill hub, I still think you could get rich Mark - just not here.
I did a check on Google and every word you have used is used elsewhere on the internet literally zillions of times - you are plagiarist of the worst order!! How can you get away with this for so long?? And if copying and over-linking, and other crap work so well why have you not already made your millions?? - oh i forgot HP have stolen it!!
Kikalina - that's a catch 22 situation, who can you trust?
Jools - I don't know the exact details of the weight loss programme but a million satisfied customers can hardly lie. Re the get rich thing. I suspect I need to go and flaunt myself more but I'm content with doing this and learning from it. There's a lot of good writers out there. I hate them.
Leanman - fortunately you can still use words, as long as they are in a different order. I have a system. The third word of each sentence becomes the first word of... but anyway, I'll write an eBook on it sometime.
It's not a HUMOR per se! LOL!Why am I laughing?
Anyways, I always like your rant and argument.
Maybe, some of the moderators would like to turn you down or just errors committed by the pre=programmed software/hardware used by HubPages.(Just guessing...hmmmnnn)
Pretty hard to get ripped off here. There is nothing to gain Especially when it is seen by so many. You can't get rich here so perhaps, a new writing goala and other writing avenues are needed to fill your piggy bank. They have had podcasts about this and many have written about the how's and why's.
Good luck.
Honestly, Mr. Ewbie, you must just be doing something wrong. I personally have made quite a fortune on HubPages simply by publishing original, high quality content about evergreen topics. Rarely does humor (and I assume that's possibly what you're attempting here) make money. People are truly searching for useful, informative hubs about timely and important topics, or highly relevant reviews of new products. Having gone through your list of hubs, I see nothing that actually meets these qualifications. HubPages is top of the line when it comes to publishing quality content. It is painfully obvious that you haven't read the TOS or visited the learning center recently.
That's too bad. You're really bringing down the rest of the brilliant writers on this site.
Sheesh.
Hey Mark: You aren't bringing anyone down. I'd say "ignore her", but she does have good hubs, so let's just say the obvious: some of us appreciate your contributions. If there aren't enough of us to make much money, well, so be it. I hope that there are.
Besides, she's kidding.. I'm pretty sure.
All good writers should be burned at the steak (sorry stake)
Ignore her?!! Lol. I believe I have been out spoofed. Motown has risen to the challenge and presented me with one of her own. That's the problem of spoofing. Not only doing it, but also being required to deal with it for ever after that.
Of course she might be serious. Hmmm. Well, off to the Learning Centre it is then. Hope there's a space at the back of the class. Repeat after me... informative.
Such an informative and useful hub but what a way to write! Simply loved your style of writing and definitely you have given a great lesson to the writers who opt some wrong ways.
Voted up, useful and awesome!
Travel_man - yes, it's no laughing matter of course but...
Alphagirl - I would no more watch a podcast than break my fingers. A podcast about writing? How about writing something about podcasts?
But seriously, this whole page is my idea of a joke. I love HubPages - the software, the site, the people but not the income. However, the income is a minor detail.
Whoisbid - yeah - burn them. Medium rare for me.
Pcunix, I am always serious. I rarely kid. Unless I'm breathing that is.
;)
Mark, it would be practically impossible to out spoof you. Thought I'd give it a shot, though. It's Saturday, after all. Strange things happen on Saturday.
:D
interesting hub.
Motown, it was perfect. The only thing that gave it away was your user ID. Thank heavens neither you or I, yet, seem to possess an alternative one.
I will admit that Writer Online totally spoofed me in response to my poetry haiku rants the other day. He wrote a long comment about my "spidey spidey ha" haiku being a fine example of the early and rare original form of the Haiku, and how sad it was that I, a Philistine, had trashed it.
I fell for it completely.
The main reason I was suspicious was that Motown2Chitown also publishes "trashy" humor - "Pole Dancing for Jesus" or something like that is a great one :)
Shampa Sadhya - thankyou very much! My emphasis is usually on the humor element rather than any useful content, so a happy accident this time.
Plus as a bonus I'm getting a few suggestions on other sites I could write for.
Pcunix. I don't know what the internet is coming to. You can't trust anybody.
Re. the Motown issue. I have had dealings with her before. She is bright as a button, kind but wicked and with a neat turn of phrase. I realised early on that I wasn't going to win.
Okay Mark, I had to come back to make sure I read this hub correctly or that I didn't just dream of have the best laugh I did in months. I see the comments are just as hilarious as the hubs is...lol lol lol
Lol, Cardisa you are very welcome.
Yep, the comments, especially those advising me sensibly on a new course of action, are fun. I think my favorite so far is "this guy is a moron" - the delight of the spoof.
Yeah, I just realized that I was not following her. I blame you for that, Mark. Yes, I know it's not your fault, but I'm not able to accept personal responsibility for my mistakes and when I tried to blame it on my wife she gave me "that look", so, it's your fault.
Or was. I'm following her right now.
" I think my favorite so far is 'this guy is a moron' - the delight of the spoof." Score! Glad to be of service. ;) The more comments you get though, the more popular this hub is becoming. I think you'll be busy replying to them for awhile. XD
I only came here from the search engines because I was looking for a pair of shoes to buy, on a site that also carried links for loans (needed the loan to buy the shoes) and there are none!! I think I will complain to that internet giant...what's it called?...Twitter!
Izzy, I'm sorry. If you know who hadn't done you know what this page would be full of shoes and links. I hate to disappoint a potential mark or customer. Send me an email and I'll see what I can do. Size 7 and a 10k loan suit you?
Make it a 4 and 100k and we're in business :)
Lol Izzy. You drive a hard bargain.
Your title lured me here and I'm not sorry--lol--very funny and all those claims--wow, didn't know there are so many. Thanks for the fun read.
Pcunix, that you're following me now tickles me all sorts of colors. :) I've been following you for a bit now because I think you're dreadfully reasonable, personable, and smart as all get out.
Mark, stop spreading those rumors about me. You'll spoil my image. Geez.
Thanks anginwu, my pleasure.
Sorry about your image Motown - more slander to follow.
Wow Mark, you sure know how to the party started, lol
If only I knew how to keep it going. The problem with something like this is that there is no one searching for it. So a brief bit of fun, and it was fun for me, and then another article added to the dusty shelves of my archives.
Now OK, I can Share it every other day, but that doesn't work very well after the first fifty times.
Don't get me wrong though. I do this because I enjoy it. One day I'll discover the money stuff as well.
Yeah and when you do discover the money, then when we say "Hi" your arrogant rich nose will head straight for the skies and you'll turn to the latest plaything hanging on your arm and say "Just ignore them.."
Hmmph.
Oh lol, very good. All true of course, and I can't wait. "Latest plaything". Oh my.
Can I be your latest plaything, Mark? If I show a lot of teeth and leg ... (ed: preferably not, old girl, you're a bit long in the tooth). Ah well, back to the drawing board ...
BTW, I pushed the report moron button before I realised you were spoofing ... are we still friends?
Angie, I would be flattered of course. Take no notice of "ed:". Theo would be flattered also and suggested... well I won't say what he suggested.
It's fine to press the report button. All publicity is good publicity.
How dare they make those unfair, and untrue (mostly) accusations against such a talented individual as yourself?
Thank you Sherry, a voice of reason at last. I am pretty much innocent of all of this, in a non legal sense.
You don't fool me, you hate me. I am going to jump and it is ll your fault!
It's only you and me left now anyway. The rest moved on.
Wanna bet? lol ;)
Lol Misty! Well OK. Just us three then. Another page slowly sinks to oblivion.
Well, all these comments and you spend all your time commenting on your own hubs. How will you have time to write anything new...
A question I will answer in a forthcoming series of fifty pages entitled "How I Manage my Time"
Oh, like any of us actually READ anything you write. We are just here to bedevil you in the comments. Well, that and to look at the cartoons.
Took me a long time to think up a suitable reply. Took me rather less time to forget it. I'll just lol instead.
Seems to me that sometimes people skip the text and just read the comments.
Most of the time, the comments are more interesting than the hub to begin with.
Not in YOUR case, of course. ;)
No. Of course not. They will read the excellent page, and when they have stopped either laughing or buying product, they will make a small note of how wonderful my writing is and how they are going to vote up everything in sight.
Normally, that's the last I ever see of them.
Then there are those of us who just come to wave our arms around and get attention from people who don't follow us because....well, we aren't as funny as YOU. :) We're the ones you can't get rid of, not without enough money to actually pay the hit man, that is.
Remind me to privately tell you how much Mark offered me to um, "take care of" you, Motown2Chitown. It's rather insulting to both of us, I think.
I'm at work on my lunch break. This is the best thing that's happened to my day. Forthright and freaking (i.e., very) hilarious.
Oh stop it Motown. I'm just a fraud. An unsuccessful one at that. I mean "stop it" in a false way of course.
Definitely stop it Pcunix. I told you she was cool and fun. As for paying hit men - on these rates?
Ytsenoh. Finally a reader! And at lunch break too. Not just another slacker during working hours.
No worries, Mark. Pcunix and I have an understanding. We're just going to split the cash you offered him to off me. ;)
OK here we go. In case anyone else is reading this, although we have established they are not - I did not offer cash in order to take out a contract on a fellow writer.
If any cash did change hands, and it didn't, then it was up to the recipient whether he chose to do me a favor.
Clearly, despite quite a large sum, he has reneged on his part of the deal. Not that there was one.
Just who can you trust these days?
And we fake your demise and split the insurance money. You want in, Ewbie? It'll cost you two readers and a Facebook share.
Geez, you had to make the plan so public??
Like $2.79 is "quite a large sum".. sheesh!
Two readers? You mean both of you? It's a hard bargain, but on reflection, and given that I have spent most of my day trying to keep up with you... I'll take it.
Nobody else is here. All those other people are Ewbie sock puppets.
Aaargh. You're both too quick!
How do you think we're able to keep up with you?
Pcunix, I want my half in large coins.
I can only provide promissory notes. Unsigned.
Mark, does the offer you made to me to "take care of" Pcunix still stand...apparently, he's gonna welch.
By the way, we do really like Mark. (He paid me a LOT to say that).
Yeah, more than he's paid ME. Mark, we really need to talk.
Edit: Oh, yes, we really like Mark.
Guys. If you can comment me into the Hot Hubs I'll pay you anyway. In compliments of course, not money.
ps. Don't overdo the liking thing. It might sound a bit false.
Can that be done? I'll certainly try my best. I mean, since I sorta, kinda, maybe like you - a bit.
And I'll only do it if you call off the hit.
Can it be done? I'm not sure. Just hoping really. It would have been bizarre/fun to see this up there somewhere.
Mind you, I might have had a load more comments to deal with - the skip and scan brigade.
I have to do chores now... not allowed to do 'writing' all night long.
Well, we'll certainly give it our best shot. You deserve to have one up there! Ugh, chores.
LOL. "I only write about children and toys." That pretty much almost kilt me right there. And LOL @ the fine tag "hubpages rubbish." Oh, and I was really impressed with your highly accurate financial graph. It takes real mastery of Excel to get a graph like that, I can only assume. :P
Fine work, as usual.
Mark, I've reported you to HP, because quite frankly I'm sick of your negative attitude and your lies. They're not stealing your money, your hubs are just crap. No one reads them, and the comments they get aren't even real - they're all written by you, posted through the various fake profiles that you've created (oh yeah, and I've alerted HP to that little fact too - they're going to close you down! You're finished here).
I don't even know what your beef is with the gloriousness that is HP. I've made £6.57 in the past 12 months - and with that I have bought a new bottle of nail varnish, an expensive one! Well, actually I haven't because I haven't earned quite enough to generate a payment yet - but I'll get my nail varnish soon, oh ho ho, don't you worry about that.
:p
Linda.
Glad you found this one Shades, the massive publicity campaign (two posts on FaceBook) helped.
Re the graph. Excel 2012 has pie, bar, scatter and misleading hand drawn options. I chose the hand drawn for a change.
I learned a lot about tags from the master (winkey face)
Jeez Linda! There's satire and there's trouser changing time! You had me going with the lead in, and I'm still a bit shaky. I'll calm down and lol in a minute.
He he he! Sorry Mark. I love your hubs, they make me wee and cry with laughter.
Lx.
totally agaree, what a waste to time it is TOO!! How long did it take to get this one submitted for publication , 1 Second???
Ha ha this is so funny! love the hub, love the pics, love the comments - my hubby asks me every day how many cents I have made.....it is a running joke!
I really think your adult figure has to be made into a blow-up because it's so, you know, perfect. It might have to replace the towel boy for a while. I read hubs every day and night and usually gravitate towards the better writers. I thought this one was so good, I had to revisit. I'm in here because I love to write and I love to read, and I really love to laugh out loud. Thank you for influencing the latter.
Man, I'm going to check mine 2007 edition of Excel for "Misleading hand drawn." Maybe I just wasn't looking for the right thing.
Julz - I actually have quite a complex publication process which I am planning to reveal in an upcoming article. Fair enough, pressing the button takes one second, but you would not believe the pre press procedures I have to go through.
Dreamsinger - glad you liked it. Partners can be so cruel. They are very important pennies. Er cents.
Ytsenoh - excellent idea! Revisit as much as you like. I did write some other stuff but it's not very good.
Shades - When I say Excel I was probably lying a little bit. Would be nice if Microsoft put a bit more humor into their product.
I could start complaining about how this wasn't what I expected but after further questioning you would find that it just wasn't true... so I'll just have to say great job and thanks for making me smile this early morn.
Thanks homesteadbound. Strictly speaking, it wasn't what I expected either. I always start off with high hopes of creating something useful, or a masterpiece, or maybe just something that might generate a small income for my eventual retirement.
But there's a little devil inside me that says "go on, you know you want to". And so I do.
Well, you are guilty of spinning! You spun quite a yarn there. But it was a lot of fun. Good for you - winning whining in the end. Great job. Will read more. Thanks for the laugh!
i think you make very good point. Rubbish thing and such so voting up.It is all a pixelated spinning copied and pasted conspiracy. Voted up and awesome. If you follow my best friend he will follow you. voted up and useful/ beautiful.
Thanks Mark :) I'll be looking forward to this publication process since it takes so dam long to get accepted for every piece of pie you add or delete from the hub page dish and hopefully learn some Great Tips. cheers Julz
John000 - that's a fair point about spinning, and misleading. My only hope is that by the time people reach the bottom they will have forgotten why they started reading.
Seanorjohn - every now and then I think I understand how to play the game. Then I realise I don't.
Julz. Pie, dish, great tips? I'll take it, but not sure I deserve it. Make mine a big slice.
I wish I could write like you....oh hang on...copy and paste. Done thanks for the cents.
Just brilliant, voted up, funny a follow and a share!
Mark I decided not to "unfollow" this hub so I came back to read the new comments....lol I see I am not at all disappointed.
Hey mooboomoo.. you just cracked it! And thanks of course.
Cardisa - Sometimes they are the best thing.
You make me laugh..... So happy i only enjoy the company of fellow hubbers, dont write for money and lately don't write..... but just maybe i will today.... keep up the good work....
Thanks Joy. It comes and goes with me. Sometimes I think I can't be bothered, and other times I can.
I wrote a hub for Cris A.... go read it.... I want to get back into being a writer, and a hubber, and all that you know...
Oh wow, yes you did. Very nice, if nice if the right word, probably not.
this is great. terribly terrific and funny. up and shared, etc
Very entertaining! Funny too. Voted up & all.
Just spewed my coffee all over my keyboard! Thanks alot Mark! Voted up!
Lisa
I found this funny. Comical. Maybe you should write stand-up comic stuff and we can be the hub audience.
Haaha Nice Mark, Glad to be a new follower. Loved this hub.
Brilliant, funny, interesting, useful, awesome - witty, comical, amuzing...I could go on...
PDX, Crystar - thanks guys.
Rustic - sorry about your keyboard...
Alphagirl - standup - terrifying thought. Writing it, much easier.
LVidoni5 - thanks for the luv.
Leni - go on. No really, thanks a lot.
Thanks all. Witty replies to follow when I have woken up.
came back for another read.... and to turn off the thing that lets me know when someone has commented...... it is blogging my e. mail box, well done, on a most popular hub....
Thanks Joy. I'm not sure why I got an extra flurry of traffic, that's probably it finished now.
What a twist.
Haha nice job! So funny. Voted up!
Phenomenal hub! You had me going for a minute. Pcunix told me you were hilarious. He is correct. People sure go to great extent to deceive the system only to turn around and complain or lie again when they get busted.
I never said any such thing! He's lying, Mark: I specifically warned him NOT to read anything you write as it could never compete with MY truly wondrous content!
Obviously he misinterpreted my satire when I mentioned "Ewbie is really funny".
Given that Pcunix never says anything nice, I tend to believe him. Strange that he would hang around with such deceivers as Tams R. Mark Ewbie, funny? Funny looking, maybe. :P
Oh, sheesh, there's another one I should have warned Tams R about. Never, EVER consider reading Motown2Chitown. I only follow her to glean examples of very unfunny material to serve as warnings to others.
Tams R: do NOT click on her profile. Do NOT read any of her hubs! She's just as bad as Ewbie!
Pcunix, you're such a brute! Why do you have to be so mean to me? :'-(
Lol guys. You type 'em, I'll approve 'em. Not sure if thanks is quite the right word somehow...
Just stumbling back home from the pub are we, Mark?
Oh, I see...you'll just go ahead and approve any old comment. It's all about traffic, isn't it, Ewbie? See, this is the kind of stuff upon which HP frowns. You're right. You don't care at all about the rules. :P
I love it when my enemies fight..
That's enough out of you, Pcunix. I think you just come here to antagonize people. :P Go stir sh!+ in the forums.
@Pcunix - staggering back from walking the dogs! To find a blitz of comments. I'm doing my best here.
Motown - any comments are good comments - apart from the ones that... well no, they're all good.
Well, Tam R, I hope you've seen the truth now. I sure hope you didn't follow either of these people! I have to, just to keep my eye on them, but there is no need for you to suffer!
And that is from my best reader....
Aww, Mark: Big transatlantic hug!
We luv ya!
Best reader? BEST reader?!?! Ewbie, you two-timing what-not! I thought I was your best reader. I mean, after all we've meant to each other, and you supplant me with Pcunix?
I've no tears left for you.
:(
Edit: Ditto on the transatlantic hug. :D
Aaargh! I knew, as soon as I typed it, that I had made a mistake. I thought "maybe she won't notice". I was wrong.
I can only apologise humbly and hope that this comment is enough to propel me to page one and a fortune of three and a half dollars.
Back at ya' on the luv thing - as we never say in the UK.
Of course I noticed. I'm a woman, after all.
Sheesh. You don't say backatcha in the UK?
Nope. Perhaps I might venture an "in your face" but not sure that was applicable.
Not applicable in this case. :) It would be applicable now that you've amended your best reader remark for ME to tell Pcunix - In your face!!!
Don't set him off again...
A breathe of fresh air on HubPages. I hope they carry on ripping you off to fuel your magnificent amusing writing. I am off to following you - and stop breathing (see if that works).
Thanks Nomascus, I had fun with this.
freetron Level 1 Commenter 4 months ago
An interesting, informative, and somewhat educational spoof. Just what do 'they' teach in schools these days (or don't teach) that provides the Hub 'THEM' with such job security? Or is it the parents (or lack thereof) fault for not teaching that lying, cheating, and stealing is wrong? Perhaps it's Sesame Street that is to blame. It seems that it is never the writer's fault so it must be somebody else's.