How to Write an Introduction - A Foreword for My Book
82This is my book introduction, repeated in writing underneath the title for search optimisation purposes.
It adds nothing to the page itself, unless you have the attention span of a gnat, and have already forgotten what the title was.
Hello mate. Thanks for purchasing this, which promises to be a cracking good read. Or scan and dump, whichever.
I mean you bought the thing so it would be far better to pretend to have read it, and then get some money selling under a referral scheme, than just admit to getting ripped off.
No one likes a loser!
Anyway, it’s not a rip off, it’s high quality stuff from beginning to just after the beginning, but not right up to the end. I couldn’t maintain this standard all the way through, and neither would you want me to. It would be tiring for both of us. You need a quick jab in the ribs, and then a gentle wind down till it’s time to switch off the light and sleep.
If you are reading this while driving, forget about the sleep bit and don’t read anything after page 4. And yeah, don’t read and drive anyway.
If you are a passenger then I guess it’s fine, although a bit rude to your driver, unless he’s a taxi driver. Even then, you need to keep an eye on the clock and the route he’s taking, just in case you get ripped off yet again.
I joke of course.
Anyhow, let’s not get too bogged down in the mode of transport you may or may not be taking, as this introduction is about the book and how good it’s going to be.
Er.
You see, it’s not always easy to praise your own stuff. We’re taught as children not to show off too much, or say how much better we are compared to foreigners, not to poke fun at homosexuals and so on. This kind of, well lying basically, doesn’t sit too well when you need to do a bit of the old self promotion.
Fair enough, I could get drunk, well more drunk, and then I’d be feeling pretty good about myself and my writing, instead of downright depressed. But typing while drunk normally ends in tears. So I’ll leave it to some of my reviewers to give their initial verdicts on the book, or rather pages 1 to 3 as they weren’t reading the rest without some form of payment.
“One of the best opening sequences I have read in a book since level 3” – Junior Ewbie, aged 5.
“A fantastic read from beginning to just after the beginning” – Medium Ewbie, aged 8.
“Quite simply a book” – Senior Ewbie, aged 83.
“An intriguing journey through human pathos, touching on man’s inability to get up and do a decent days work” – Mrs.Ewbie, age not given.
I think those comments alone speak for themselves. Obviously you can’t judge yet, first you need to wade through this opener, but that’s what proper writers do. They dedicate the opening interminable pages, which are nothing like the rest of the book, to themselves, their family and friends or occasionally an animal.
Several pages of stuff that you don’t need to read, because it has nothing to do with the great story, but you skip through hoping there might be some point to it. “Oh yes, I read the foreword” I will lie to a colleague. “Enchanting”.
That bluff only works if it was enchanting – so use it sparingly. “Interminable” works quite well, in fact you can be as rude as you like because people will then assume you are at a high enough level to be a critic, instead of the scum of the earth.
Not saying you are either critic or scum levels of course, it’s not for me to judge. You bought this book without being able to read the rest of it, and I can form an opinion of you based on that simple fact. It’s a fond opinion, but without a great deal of respect.
I expect you are quite eager to get on with the actual reading of the book now. To see just what it is that you have bought. Well, I shan’t be giving anything away in this foreword that’s for sure. That’s mainly because I haven’t thought what the book is going to be about yet.
I’m a bit old school in that I think you should write the first bit first, then the next and so on, until you finally give up with the thing having grown to hate it. If I had crafted the manuscript already then I would be telling you how fantastic it is, probably using words like vibrant, energising and alcoholic.
Maybe I’ll write a little bit more at the end and stick it on the cover. Or, and this has just occurred, leave a space right here to put in some detail.
That should do it.
Enjoy!!!
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Hilarious. I will buy one just based on this, it would be have to be funny indeed. Regards, (in the prime of life) Hyphenbird,
Lol, thanks Motown. I've made no progress at all so far, so I'm wondering about putting even more stuff up on HP and then eventually taking all the worst bits and sticking them in a Kindle.
Thanks HB - only another 100 (99) pages to go. Or maybe 10. How long is a 99c Kindle anyway?
Not sure about a 99 cent Kindle, Mark, but have you considered using Smashwords to publish? Not that I'm usually about spam, but take a look at this hub. You could possibly expand beyond Kindle...
I'm thinking Introduction-10 pages of "book"-Epilogue-Ending Credits. Ta-Dah!
I reckon I could do ten pages, given that it's only the first three that count.
Motown, I'll go check that link. If it's spam you're in trouble...
edit: Oh, it wasn't spam. Thanks Motown!
Most welcome. I've got a short story that I'm planning on publishing as a short through there. I'm waiting on a friend who's doing the cover art. AND, they do Kindle as well. For free. Definitely worth a look see. The biggest amount of work goes into formatting, but once you get the one down, you're set. :) Get crackin', Ewbie!
I didn't know one could publish a short story, I thought it had to be a book. May I ask how much you plan to charge for it Mo2Chi?
Up and funny!
And useful...maybe.
I hope it's useful. It's my first page... eventually.
Maybe.
Hyph, Smashwords allows shorts (25000 words or less) and longs (25000 or more). My story is about 12000 words long, and I'm torn at the moment. I'm going to charge either 99 cents or 1.99, depending actually on the quality of the cover art. They also give you the option to do shorter items for free if you choose, just to get yourself the exposure. :)
Hey Mark, you know what, I just read an intro to a book about nothing....Oh you wrote it...sorry.
I promise not to drink..I mean read and sleep,or drive...whatever...I'm going to bed.
Night, night....
I found your prolouge oddly gripping, even though I wasn't in an automobile at the time...I even read the whole thing, laughing my a$$ off, just because...you're you, and, lucky for the rest of us, condemned to be you for the rest of your life.
Lol, I like that condemned idea! Yet another cracking review...
cracking? Is that a Ewbie-ism? (for cracking a yawn)Your fans think every word you write is golden. (Wait, I'm one of them.)This may be the worst Ewbie-hub yet. (Which probably makes it one of the best.) Think I'll have to sick Spike,my petite giraffe on you. Think you could start a website that sells petite giraffe apparel? Poor little guy. The poodle sweater just doesn't fit quite right.
Cracking means good in English speak. I think. I wish I could say I had never heard of PLG's, but they seem to be everywhere you look at the moment.
This is all good Ewbie stuff. Truncated, but good. (The new-age attention span, I know..)
To me, this new approach of yours is kinda like showbiz meets publishing.
You know what I mean, in traditional publishing, when you finish reading the foreword, you just turn the page, and voila, – the book.
In showbiz, it’s “entertain the audience, but get off while you’re winning, and always leave ‘em wanting for more...”
So, a new-age writing technique involving a foreword that conveys nothing, leading in turn to as-yet-unwritten content, and, ipso facto; leaving the reader no other option than ‘wanting for more’, has that “seems simple now I see it working, but why didn’t I think of that?” quality inherent in all the ideas that have changed the world. Fortunes have been built on less. (Perhaps yours will be the first fortune built on nothing at all?)
For a guy who does his own artwork, there’s a further lesson in MO’s comment too, about the pricing strategy she’s considering for her short story. Follow along.....
MO says, “My story is about 12,000 words long, and I'm going to charge either 99 cents or 1.99, depending on the quality of the cover art.”
Used to be ‘a picture’s worth 1,000 words’, but MO’s plan to double the price, clearly values her cover art at about 12,000 words - that she doesn’t have to bother writing.
Logically then, that’s 12,000 words a Ewbie book, with original Ewbie art on the cover, doesn’t need; and by that same logic, absent any content at all, it should still fetch about a buck. Right?
Like I said, this all has that “seems simple now I see it working...” quality. But, good on you Mark, for being first. I take my hat off to you.
Seriously, imagine if the Murdochs had understood this simple truth. NOTW could have been all headline, picture, and inuendo. And still with us. After all, no actual content means no actionable content, either.
Worth thinking about, innit?
Just don’t write about it.
Thanks as usual for an excellent comment WO, which I think is largely positive about what I am doing, or at least I will assume it is. I'm trying to find that Facebook Shareable length - short, funny, punchy and... gone.
I noticed the cover art comment and was interested to say the least. Can't price a book by it's cover? Oh yes you can.
To be honest I thought the headline, picture and thin content was exactly what the tabloids had been doing for years. Great story btw, the Murdoch thing - we have been watching 24 hour coverage of it for a couple of weeks now. What a cast of slimy, corrupt people - politicians, police and the press. Fabulous entertainment.
Yoo-hoo, Mark ... another brill, if slightly idle, idea from the Ewbie stable of brilliant but idle ideas. I shall be plagiarising your idea toot sweet. Can one plagiarise nowt?
WO - I thought that was what NOTW had been doing ... I could never keep hold of the damn paper what with all the slime in it ... it kept slipping out of my hands. Divine retribution, at last. Now I must make my excuses and leave ...
Mark and Angie, your comments about NOWT reminds me of how I feel about most (all...)of the direct mail that lands unbidden in my letterbox; shit that folds.
What's with all this idle and too short business? Let me tell you, I have poured my heart into other things and got nowhere with them. So I'm trying to find out what is light enough to float - I think that's the right image.
As for NOTW - the best story ever, and shame they didn't get the scoop on it. If ever there was a lesson though in life, it's in the innocent journalists being sacked while the great ones carry on their merry way. "More canapes Cameron?" "Why certainly Rebekah"
WO - NOWT? Freudian slip?
And Mark ... hey, ya lay down with dogs, ya get up with fleas. But I agree about 'the great ones' - that's why I've been fighting for many a month via Avaaz to stop Murdoch getting his greasy mits on BSkyB.
I can live with fleas. Can they live with me?
Good for you fighting the fight. Angie - I don't let many things get to me - but this dance of being arrested at a convenient time for the great ones - compared to schoolchildren being kettled and strip searched - makes me feel almost militant.
Oops, sorry for the slip, Angie. I've nowt against nowt.
Nothing wrong with being militant, Mark ... and you are right, of course. It does need to be used though... as the saying goes 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing'. I class you as a good man ... despite your sterling efforts to conceal that fact.
WO - I thought the slip was very apt ... :-)
Thanks Angie... "despite my efforts to conceal the fact"... I like that.
Interesting quote, and I probably should write more political stuff.
Honestly, gents, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to price my little ebook. I don't want to undersell, but I don't want to overprice either. If the cover art is quality, I have a better chance of getting it into the premium catalog. If it sucks, then what's the point? I was going to sell if for $1.99 no matter what, but then I looked around at how others were pricing and thought, well, I can't really get away with that if all I have are words...but solid cover art could really put me in line with the professionals...know what I mean?
HI Motown, I can't speak for WO, but I was only jesting. I do think the cover is important. The pricing is so difficult as an author - how much do you think you are worth? Tough question.
My content isn't thin, it's actually quite good. It's just a matter of drawing the eye and having a great little piece of pre-intro intro to get folks into the meat of the story. I think it's worth way more than $1.99, but then, I wrote it. Rest of the world might think it's crap.
Hey Motown, I think the expression is - you go girl!
No, it's not thin, it's good quality.
Perhaps I should have said it would be difficult for me to put a true value on my efforts.
It IS difficult. Makes me feel like I'm saying, "Hey, look at me! I'm better than all that crap you're paying 99 cents for!" In truth, I may not be.
Man, now I'm feeling insecure...lol
The trouble is, it's so personal. It would be much easier if someone else could value it, market it and so on.
Agreed. I had to give it some thought. I figured it out this way - what would I pay for a used paperback at a thrift store? Then I'd pay that for a short ebook with great cover art and a fantastic blurb. :)
Don't know if you're following Shadesbreath's self publishing journey, but he struggled a bit with the whole price issue as well. We're certainly not alone.
Hi Mark, and esp MO, just a (helpful, I hope) comment on words/art/price/sales, from my days in adland. (So,it's about print ads, not about books, but these are the principles that I think would apply.)
In advertising, it's all about Stopping Power.
And, to me, having looked at the Smashwords site, (any online book site really) the same applies. People are just scrolling along, waiting for something to reach out and Stop them. Just like being in a real bookstore, idly scanning shelves, waiting for the same reaction.
Copywriters (and authors) would say that Stopping Power therefore demands a strong, relevant, attention-grabbing headline / title. First and foremost.
But art directors (and book cover designers) would say, "Uh uh, it's the imagery that matters most, that's what grabs the eye before the words engage the brain."
This is of course, a totally un-resolveable debate, because there are so many variables. But, if you think about your own actions / reactions to standard size online product listings, (ie book cover thumbnails), it's certainly apparent that both aspects must be present, and powerful, and in harmony; if your entry is to have that elusive but vital Stopping Power.
There's a saying in advertising that the strength of words alone, or of pictures alone, can be enhanced to the power of three - as long as you make sure they 'fit together' in the mind of your prospect. When the words and the pics 'sell' each other perfectly, the equation is; 1 + 1 = 3.
Of course, that still only gets you to the point where your reader/browser does actually Stop; then it's down to the power of the word picture you paint in your summary/synopsis, but (excuse the pun..)that's a whole 'nuther story.
The pricing issue is pretty complex, and runs from 'reassuringly expensive' to 'must be rubbish, if they're having to give it away'.
But it looks like the bar has been set fairly low for online books, (and I think people expect it to be, after all, there's no manufacturing or distribution cost to recover).
So, MO, my three cents worth?
Get some great cover art (have you priced this...?),
Make it 'sell' the title, (and vice versa),
Recognise that, to the average bear, $1.99 is the same as $0.99, (so why sell at the bottom..?)
But I think there's a huge risk of selling nothing, if you set yourself (as an unknown author) above every other offering, (and people's perception of what an e-book is worth).
if you agree, that would bring your options down to just two; (and both rely of course, on how good the story is/ how appealing it is to potential readers..)
One is to price high, creating the impression that you believe strongly in the work, but risking lower sales volume, against more revenue per unit sold.
Or, price 'competitively', leaving people to make their own judgement about the work, but increasing the likely rate of sales by creating a 'sounds great, why wouldn't I buy at that price?" scenario.
Simple, huh?
If it were me, I'd be going for $1.99......
WO, what solid and sound advice - thank you. I've sort of been working on the premise exactly as you stated it here. As to the cover art, one of my dearest friends is a working artist (B.F.A.). She's very talented. I asked her about cost, and she agreed to do the first one free, to see how we do.
I think you're absolutely right about the $1.99. AND?
Simple, schmimple.
Motown2Chitown Level 5 Commenter 10 months ago
Brilliant! Most of us can't keep our attention on a book beyond "just past the beginning," anyway, so I think you'll have a smash hit on your hands.