Eeyore Short Story - I Don't Like Apples
74Introduction
This short story which tells us what Eeyore thinks of apples and other things is written in the style of the much loved Pooh stories by the author AA Milne.
It is not an actual Milne story but is my way of exploring how Pooh and his friends would cope in a more modern world, with sometimes challenging issues.
Like many people I loved the original stories and do my best to keep within the parameters that AA Milne set for them.
If it encourages anyone to read the originals for the first time then I will be pleased, and if it reminds you of reading them as a child then that's great too.
The Story
“I don’t like apples” said Eeyore.
He was not very happy.
“I won’t eat them” he said, firmly.
Pooh Bear looked at him. “You could just try one” he suggested, but Eeyore was not having it.
“I eat thistles and that is that” he said, and turned his back on the proceedings.
The rest of the friends looked at each other.
“Anyway”, Eeyore continued, still not facing them, “Which of you eats apples? Do you eat them Piglet?”
Piglet didn’t want an argument. “I d-don’t know” he said.
“I would eat one” said Rabbit, “but only if there was nothing else to eat”.
“I like them in apple pie” said Christopher Robin.
“I eat honey” said Pooh.
...
The man from MegaCorp watched silently. He had been sat listening to this conversation about apples for about twenty minutes. He wished he’d never suggested that the children would like to feed apples to the donkey.
When MegaCorp had decided to send him down to tell the friends they were opening the Wood to visitors he hadn’t thought how hard it would be.
“Can we put apples on one side for now?” he suggested, “and continue with the main issues”.
Eeyore harrumphed and kept his back facing the man.
The others paid attention.
“So that’s settled” he said, “we’ll open the Wood to visitors at 9am and have a fireworks display when it starts to get dark. The Pig and the Bear can meet and greet, and show the people around”.
Pooh sighed a sigh of relief. It sounded like he wouldn’t be doing anything. When MegaCorp had suggested holding a Grand Open Day he had wondered what the point was, and after this conversation he still didn’t know.
At least he wouldn’t be involved.
“What are they going to do here?” said Rabbit.
“They will soak up the atmosphere of the Winnie the Pooh characters and buy some of the merchandising” said Mr. Corporate. “Once they have had a look around, and perhaps a donkey ride…”
“DONKEY RIDE?” said Eeyore. “Bring it on” he said. Mr. MegaCorp missed the sarcasm in Eeyore’s voice and took some hope in what he misconstrued as a newly found positive attitude.
“See you all on Saturday” he said.
A Plan
“We can’t have this” said Rabbit when the man had gone. “Every Saturday, full of children…”
“I’m a child” said Christopher Robin.
“You are not A child” said Rabbit, “you are our child. It’s different”.
“D-do you think they might be rowdy?” said Piglet.
“Of course they will. They’re children. They’ll get overexcited and scream and shout and…” Rabbit trailed off. He was watching Eeyore practicing a leap. Everyone watched as Eeyore used his back legs to push himself off the ground and bend forward as if to do a roll.
“Got it” said Eeyore. “Who wants a practice ride on the sad old donkey?”
The friends decided they wouldn’t risk a ride on the newly energetic Eeyore.
“If you d-do that the children will fall off” said Piglet.
“You think so?” said Eeyore.
Rabbit beckoned to Pooh who was still wondering who the Bear was that the man had referred to.
“If we play our cards right we could make this the one and only time they open the Wood” said Rabbit. “It will just take a bit of planning”.
This Animal May Bounce
Saturday came. A bus from MegaCorp turned up containing a variety of bored looking workers.
The workers started putting up signs such as “This way to Owl’s Tree”.
Rabbit engaged them in conversation. “It’s a good job you put that sign up” he said, “otherwise I would never have found it”.
Tigger showed up. He was wearing a sign round his neck saying “caution – this animal may bounce”.
“I gotta sign!” said Tigger, bouncing for joy.
“This way for your name badges” said one of the workers. They handed out badges to the friends “Pooh Bear”, “Piglet” and so on.
“If you stick a badge on me I will do something terrible” said Eeyore. The worker backed off, sign still in her hand. “You have to wear a badge, it’s in the contract” she said.
“How about I don’t make you sit on a thistle and you don’t make me wear a badge” said Eeyore.
She went off to tell Mr. MegaCorp. “No point in arguing with that donkey” he said, “and anyway, surely they all know who’s who round here?”
He checked out progress. Signs were everywhere, some of the animals were still wearing their badges, the merchandise tent was set up, and the smell of fast food indicated they were ready to go.
It was eight forty-five.
“Ok everyone, gather round” he said. The animals obliged. “Let’s make our first day a really special one for the children. If this is a success there will be plenty more”.
Rabbit winked at Pooh. Pooh, who couldn’t wink nodded at Piglet. Piglet nodded back, and then wiggled an ear at Tigger. Tigger accidentally bounced into the man.
“Whoops” said Tigger and bounced into him again.
“Ok”, said Mr. MegaCorp, picking himself up, “places please”. All the animals went to their assigned positions.
Pooh was at the main gate to meet and greet.
Piglet went home to prepare his talk on acorns and forest ways.
Rabbit also went home to be in charge of the sandpit and tunnelling area.
Owl was already home. As he lived in a very tall tree, and had very sharp claws – the MegaCorp team had decided for health and safety reasons to include him out of the proceedings.
Arrivals
Nine o’clock. The second bus arrived, carrying selected children of favoured MegaCorp staff, mostly directors and above. The lower paid workers children would get their chance in the future, although they would be paying full entry fees of course.
There were about fifty children and a few parents and helpers. As soon as the doors opened they all rushed out and began to make the noise that only a group of children can make.
“Pooh Bear” they shouted and rushed towards Pooh. They held his paw. They snuggled up. They pushed and pulled him. “It’s only someone in a fat Bear costume” said one of the children, and he tried to pull Pooh’s head off.
“Whoa” said Pooh and they temporarily stopped. An adult turned up. “Do NOT hurt the animals” she said sternly, “or you won’t be able to visit the gift shop”. The children quietened down briefly.
The one that had tried pulling Pooh’s head off went to kick him, but Pooh stepped backwards and the child kicked Mr. Megacorp instead. “You little…” he began, and then in a slightly forced way said “come on now – let’s go and learn about acorns”.
“Boring” said one or two of the children, but they mostly followed the sign that said “Piglet’s Acorn Talk”.
A Talk About Acorns
“H-hello” said Piglet to the group of children. They were sat, eventually, in a semi circle behind a rope separating Piglet from the children. The health and safety people had decided there was some possibility of disease from pigs so they were kept back from Piglet.
Piglet didn’t mind. These kids were a bit on the large side. He wasn’t sure that they were all that interested in acorns. They were getting rowdier by the minute. He turned round to collect his notes.
While he was checking, Eeyore and Rabbit appeared and moved quickly through the crowd explaining in clear and simple language that Piglet was a very good friend. It would not be a good idea for any child to upset their very good friend.
Rabbit illustrated this point by drawing his foot across his throat and occasionally saying "capiche?" while Eeyore brandished a particularly spiky thistle. The children got the message.
Piglet did his talk about acorns and every now and then the children either laughed or applauded – in the right places. At the end they broke into spontaneous cheers, or as spontaneous as you can be when a large donkey is holding up a sign behind Piglet saying “Cheer… or else”.
“Right” said Mr. MegaCorp, “time for some sandpit fun”.
Fun in the Sand
Rabbit had spent some time organising this activity. Sand by itself does not usually require a lot of organising but Rabbit wanted to make this a day to remember. He had collected pretty much every animal dropping he could find in the wood, and buried them just under the sandy surface.
He stood by the edge watching the merchandising worker selling Rabbit branded spades and Rabbit branded buckets. “There might be buried treasure in them thar sandy pit” he said to the children.
Two minutes later the first shrieks started. A minute after that the biggest poo fight began with one lot of children, the ones who had found some poo – throwing at those that hadn’t or Mr. Megacorp, whoever was closer.
Five minutes after that the sandpit was closed with a new sign “Health Hazard” in place and the children were being hosed down after an emergency cleaning.
Once the crying, shouting and complaining had quietened slightly, Mr. MegaCorp tried to recover.
“How about donkey rides?” he suggested.
Donkey Rides
When they reached Eeyore’s field there were a number of signs on the gate.
“Donkey Rides” was one.
“Ths Aminal may bite” was another.
“Nott sutable fer Child” was another.
The children took no notice.
“Me first” they said as one.
“How much is it?” asked one of the harassed looking parents. “It’s an apple per ride” said Mr. Megacorp.
Obviously not many people carry apples around in their wallets, but fortunately there was a bucket of apples by the gate with a sign saying “Five dollars per apple”.
The children bought their apples and queued.
The first one entered the field. It was the boy who had tried pulling off Pooh's head and kicked Mr. MegaCorp.
Eeyore watched him approach. He waltzed breezily up to Eeyore and tried to stick the apple in his mouth. Eeyore pretended to swallow it whole, pretended to choke, and then spat it out at considerable speed in the direction of Mr. MegaCorp. It hit him on the back of the head.
“Not bad” thought Eeyore to himself.
The child attempted to climb on Eeyore’s back. Grabbing hold of his mane it somehow managed to clamber on. “Giddy up” he said. Eeyore giddied up. He headed to the far side of the field at reasonable pace, turned around and increased his speed back towards the gate.
“Whoa” said the boy. But Eeyore didn’t whoa. He did an impression of galloping to the gate and then his well practiced stop, duck and rear jump movement. The child was catapulted over the gate and into the assembled, fairly soft group, of other children.
No real harm done.
There were no more apples sold.
Owl Appears
Mr. MegaCorp considered the remaining options. Perhaps a walk through the Wood and then home via the gift shop would finish the day on a high note.
He gathered the children and they set off. “Does anyone know a hum?” said Mr. MegaCorp. “I want to go home” said more than one of the children in response.
There was one final surprise for them all.
Although Owl had been included out of proceedings he had talked to Rabbit, who had included him back in again.
Even on a bright day the sound of a screeching owl and several near misses can be fairly disturbing. They completed the walk setting a new Hundred Acre Wood record time.
Exit via the Gift Shop
The children and aggrieved parents ignored the gift shop and got back on the bus. Some made a point of telling Mr. MegaCorp exactly what they thought of his Hundred Acre Wood experience. The children learnt some new words.
The workers took down the tent and the signs and packed themselves back on their bus.
Mr. MegaCorp saw everybody off, sat down and placed his head in his hands. His experience day had been a complete disaster. What a terrible set of coincidences. It was as if those stupid animals had planned everything deliberately.
...
The friends gathered round him.
“Cheer up” said Pooh in a kindly way. “It wasn’t your fault”.
“At least the Acorn Talk went well” said Piglet.
Mr. MegaCorp lifted his head and explained that they would be cancelling further Open Days. There was no way that parents would want to bring their children.
Then he apologised for the idea.
He told them how pressure to increase sales meant expanding marketing opportunities in a horizontal layer by co-opting… he used a lot of words that no one, including himself understood.
Finally he said that the only thing that really bothered him was his daughter had been looking forward to seeing the Wood and how she was a real Pooh fan and read all the books.
“She is welcome anytime” said Pooh. “What you don’t understand is the Wood is always open”
“We just don’t market it” said Rabbit.
“B-bring her here next Saturday” said Piglet, “and we’ll do a proper tour, just for her”
“Well” said Eeyore slowly, “as long as you remember”.
“What?” said Mr. MegaCorp.
“I don’t like apples” said Eeyore.
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Thanks WO. I have recently been checking things like copyright, fan fiction, derivative content relating to my Pooh writing. Not entirely clear where I sit legally.
It may be OK if it's not for profit, which probably rules out a Kindle set of stories. It may not be OK on HubPages either.
The rights to the characters are held by the trustees of AA Milne, they reverted from Disney a while back. Since then they have published one set of new stories "Return to the Hundred Acre Wood".
I have wondered about approaching them but am scared that the answer would be "No" and by drawing attention to myself I'd have to stop my fan fiction. It doesn't make me money, or hurt the brand (in my opinion) - but I enjoy doing it.
You are probably right, as always. I should just go for it.
"You are probably right, as always.'
Definitely not so. Esp where things like copyright are concerned. At the same time, you're between a rock and a hard place if you want to go on doing this, imo, because the better you get, the more likely someone (eg AA Milne trustees) will get to know about it. And, if they're not happy, that means you just have a bigger body of work you'd have to trash.
Is there any way (eg online research) you can get a handle on the motivation behind the reversion back to the trustees, before you contact anyone? If their objective was to preserve the creative integrity/essence of the Pooh characters/AA Milne style, they might be more open than you think to an author who can show a natural affinity with it.
Thinking about it though, even if it's all and only about money, they'll have an even greater imperative to 'freshen the brand'. Without defiling it.
In a sense you're in the box seat either way. So yeah, I guess I would say "Just go for it."
Worst case scenario; if you like doing it enough that you'd do it for the fun, pitch them on a charity deal. Children's of course. They sell books you write, under your own name, and contribute a portion of the proceeds, (overtly and publicly, so they're seen to be good corporate citizens) instead of paying you.
Kids get new Pooh books, AA Milne trustees 'freshen / revitalise the brand', a children's charity gets a new revenue stream. And you get well known as an author who can channel AA Milne, but does it 'for love of the characters, and the kids of today', not the money.
Sounds like a 'win win' to me. (Or in marketing speak, a,'bilaterally beneficial business objective".)
My guess is that by writing these without asking first, you probably should have all ads removed on your short stories before approaching them.
Lol Wo, I like that marketing speak. Did a page of that a while back, not on HP, absolute nonsense. Had serious responses - go figure.
The thing is Flora, it is a guess. It really isn't clear and I have done a fair bit of research. There is fan fiction all over the net - and some of the legal judgement is based on % of original content. I know my stuff is clear on that count because I know the AA Milne stories so well.
There are differences in countries re. attitude and 'fair licence' granted to spoofs and satire based around characters.
Whether I am liable to fall into a legal heffalump trap only God, or more accurately, a team of expensive lawyers would know.
I may try and find out the trustees address and write them a letter from Eeyore - explaining why he quite likes these pieces, even though they aren't very good and how he doesn't want his field taken away.
Speaking of what estates of late authors want, Conan Doyle's estate actively encourages well written new Holmes stories. Christie killed off Poirot so that wouldn't happen. As for fan fiction, the most prolific example of this is Star Trek. One thing I noted about that, though. Written stories on Trek are fine. But people be careful about images. A local artist painted a painting of the original Star Trek cast and used it as advertising. The actors wanted their share of the profits using their image. So ended the advertising. (oddly, Christie did not kill off Miss Marple)
Excellent Stuff! - By the way copyright doesn't apply to parody does it? Otherwise parody as a writing form wouldn't exist. It's not as if you are trying to pass it off as the genuine article - It is clearly a pi.. er, Mickey take.
All good points FBR, and Gaizy thanks for the word... Parody. That's the one.
Enjoyed this story and am intrigued by the comments as well. You really need to find out how you can get your stories out there; it's such a shame you may need to jump through so many legal hoops on the way to doing so. Other authors have done 'follow ups' to the likes of Pride and Prejudice and also a prequel to Jane Eyre so maybe the time your stories are set in might give you more chance? Not sure but I hope you find a way to publish.
Thanks Jools. Fan fiction is a short cut at best, the characters are already there to work with. It would be impossible, and believe me I have thought about it, to develop a set of such well loved characters. So if I can fit into a grey area, I'm reasonably content with that - and am lucky that AA Milne created such a lasting legacy.
A big plus in my opinion is that I can't do a worse job than Disney...
My first thought was that you should create your own characters, but then the actual stories could lose their punch because the beloved characters would be missing. I hope you find a resolution because you certainly could add much to this legacy. :)
Mark, I am pleasantly surprised! No one could tell you aren't A.A. Milne. This is remarkable. I felt like I was actually watching it. You have captured the characters personalities so well. Well done Mark.
Hi Frannie. I initially tried this story with Bear, Pig and Egor - but it just didn't work. The point is - we know who they are and what they do.
Given these comments I should have done a page on fan fiction - pros, cons and pitfalls.
Thanks Cardisa! You have now made me realise I need to make it clear from the off that I am not AA Milne!! Aaarrgh!
Amazing work Mark, thoroughly enjoyed it yet again!
Thanks Case, I suspect you're a Pooh fan.
Every time I come back I spot another typo.
That's a very 'fair play' intro you've added, Mark.
I think what Gaizy says is right, about parody,(hope so, else I'm in trouble with that Queen's speech satire...).
But parody's not the real basis / intent of your Pooh stories, is it?
They've always seemed to me to be much more of a homage. The absolute antithesis of a "pi.. er, Mickey take." (No offence to Gaizy, just the way it's seemed to me.)
And that's the basis of the approach to the trustees, imo. An honest writer with the uncommon ablity to channel AA Milne. And the desire to do so.
No, you are right, it is not the real intent. I'm using those well established characters to deal with other story lines - ones that have more relevance to people who stopped playing a long time ago. Adults in other words.
But the characters themselves are sacrosanct, no undermining or altering of their basic selves as set out by AA Milne.
When I used to play with my children, I used the characters in their toys to deal with childrens issues - problems at school, feeling hungry, lost toys, coping with the world - stories that have a message, without the message being too overpowering or boring - hopefully.
Great story..Thanks a lot
Another charmer Mark. Never say never when it comes to copyright laws. If there's away for the estate to make money and for you to gain recognition, it could happen.
Dear Mark ~ Have I missed many other Pooh stories from you? Of course, the little mind monkey kept thinking of lovely things to tell you about the many children who would be loving to hear the characters in these short stories as the plot thickens, a few giggles here and there, and everyone waits on the finale when the troupe gets marketing man out of their pristine forest. Truly, a marvelous writer. Can we say, "National Treasure?" Blessings, Debby
P.S. As for the copyright issue. It will depend upon the nature of the owners, whether they will see the bright loving side of your work as a positive force in the world.
Tnank you very much Debbie, these are my best work probably. There is a moving trilogy of them - the first is on my profile. But they are weepy I warn you now if you go there.
Another excellent hub Mark. You know many years after Enid Blyton died another author wrote some new 'Famous Five' stories in her style. Likewise the American 'Bobbsey Twins' had a number of different authors throughout the years they were written. I am certain that relevant permission and 'commission' must have been required in all cases, but suggest you look into this as you would surely be accepted to write more books in the A A Milne style about Pooh and his friends. You don't have to mention what you have already published here, just send them an 'example' article of what you would like to publish officially and let them judge it. That way they can't complain about anything you have published here on HP (or elsewhere) so far. :)
Really great idea, Misty.
“You are not A child” said Rabbit, “you are our child. It’s different”.
Lines such as these make us love A.A. Milne, and they make us love Mark Ewbie as well.
Wonderful.
Ah Motown, glad you read this one. I liked it, even though it's not been wildly popular.
I have to space out my readings of your Pooh material...usually they draw tears, so I have to put myself in the right frame of mind before diving in. :)
It's wildly popular in my house! We're environmentalists!
writeronline Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago
Fantastic! I was at my computer, at HubPages in fact, and this lobbed into my feed. Came over immediately, knowing I was in for a treat, and once again Mr Ewbie, you didn't disappoint.
Quite apart from the dual audience thing you've got going on, (kids get the story, parents get the message), you've got this whole AA Milne/Pooh style down to a T.
Are you going to approach the Pooh publishers, see if they want some new stories? They'd call it 'freshening the brand'. I reckon today's generation of parents and kids would just call it about time.
You could even immortalise yourself, call the series, 'Winnie the Pooh. Mark 2.'
Seriously.