Best Buy One Slice Toaster

This page is about toasters, especially the one slice variety.

There will be a bit about two, three and four slices but the main purpose of this page is to show you a few one slicers and hopefully flog you one.

If you are not interested in buying a toaster then move on.

There's not much else likely to be on this page so either you typed in the wrong search term or I have made a mistake with my keywords.

There might be some jokes, but who wants a joke when they're buying a toaster?

Doesn't make sense.

...

Anyway, let's get to the point and have a look at some toasters in a friendly, but retail type situation.

There's a bit more preamble, because I'd like you to know that I am a person too, not some faceless corporation and then on with the merchandising. I would do some stuff on the lifestyle choices involved but it's a toaster we're talking about here, not some mega expensive piece of kit.

I'd like to be able to say to you that I have reviewed these toasters in great detail, that I have owned them and used them in a toast style situation over a period of some months.

That I represent an organization whose purpose is to investigate every model of toaster and belongs to a recognized trade body.

Perhaps with a kitemark such as the Toaster Investigators Hallmark of Authority.

But I don't.

I'm just an amateur whose sole object is to attempt to attract some customers, show them some toasters and with a bit of luck make a few cents on the back of a sale.

Whoa there!

Don't go!

Each of these toasters will be plucked from the Amazon best sellers list and is supplied by them - I don't ship these out of my bedroom like some dodgy Ebay outlet. They are all brand new and make toast - any problems take it up with the supplier.

Although I haven't personally made toast on these, to be honest there isn't much to it. Stick bread in, wait, and eat.

Look, I'm really sorry, and a bit embarassed to say this but I started this off, went to look on Amazon and to my horror and surprise they don't do a one slice toaster.

So I've shown the top five two slice toasters instead.

Now I know what you're thinking... what a klutz. Well yes, I admit it but let me try to persuade you why a two slice is better than a oner.

If you really only want one slice of toast then you can just use one side. OK, the other side also heats up but it's not a huge waste of energy. If ever one side goes wrong then you can use the other side or maybe just for fun you can swap sides occasionally. Be a rebel, change things, be empowered.

If you ever get a girl to visit and she wants a slice of toast what you gonna do? Give her the slice and wait for yours? Or have yours first and claim you've run out of bread?

No, the thinking batchelor will have a two slice and be ready to share, or break bread, with the potential girl of your dreams. So think smart, think two slices for convenience and courtship purposes.

Now, while you're here, if indeed you are still here let me tell you why the two slice toasters are no good for you. It's all about your future rather than the here and now.

You see, there you are with your single piece of toast, or maybe if you got lucky with your girl and two pieces of toast and life's pretty good. You enjoy the toast and you chose a good one from the selection above.

But life has a habit of biting you in the nuts just when you think things are ticking along nicely. What if she gets pregnant, or is the marrying kind? You can cut and run with your two slicer or you can do the honourable thing.

Then you end up with a kid or more. And a family can't usually afford to eat proper food - leastways - not until you have two jobs. So you're going to be eating a lot of toast.

And queuing for the toaster when you are getting ready for the second shift at the gas station is not the recipe for a happy life. So the thinking person might spend the extra, and it is not a lot, unless you go for one of those ridiculously over priced Dualit things.

My advice, as a toast muncher of many happy years, is to go for the four slicer.

I'm just putting these in for a laugh and to give this page a more luxurious feel about it.

These are the best toasters that money can buy. Apparently. I didn't look for any more expensive ones because three hundred odd dollars for a toaster (I ask you) is almost obscene.

I say almost because you might be loaded and / or drunk in which case the almost allows room for other words like discerning, intelligent and so on.

Imagine... actually I can't do it. Imagine what exactly? Living in a one bed flat on benefits and eating toast from your Dualit toaster while watching daytime TV.

Doesn't make sense.

...

Late Update: In the comments below no less an authority than Brie Hoffman has said that Dualits are worth the money. Now at first I thought "typical woman always spending" but then I realised. Guys, if you want to impress that girl of yours... get a Dualit.

Man I'm worn out. It's a lot of effort trying to sell stuff. I normally write poetry but there's not much money in it.

I would have done a bit for you here, to kind of artsy up the page a bit, but I can't think of anything that rhymes with toaster.